Hey guys,

In doing a lot of reflection on past relationships, I have been thinking about my part and my mistakes made in these relationships. The common theme I see with myself is that I give people credit for the potential that I see in them. I know a lot of people will say that it is a positive thing to give a person the benefit of the doubt, but this is not what is going on here…

In my moving forward with an individual based on the potential I see in them, I am possibly making a major misstep. The problem comes in when the individual that I see the potential in, does not see that for themselves. For example, if I look at my significant other and see that they have the potential to be a successful business owner, but they only see themselves as a supervisor at their current company, they will not go beyond what they see and believe for themselves. Full disclosure — I saw a lot of potential in the last person that I was in a relationship with, but he did not see any of those things in himself, so he never became what I saw in him or set goals to become that. We had many discussions about what I saw in him, and he was shocked because he didn’t think so highly of himself. I found out later in the relationship that he had no desire to be better or change, which was a problem for me as it related to behavioral concerns as well as others. The lesson that I learned was that I need to see an individual for who they are and how they present themselves to me, as well as what they believe about themselves. This is what they will become. I can express what I see in them, and maybe that will give them another perspective, or maybe they will not agree because they do not see those same things for themselves.