A Mother's Love

Another reflection post…

My older sister and I were raised by my father in the 1990’s when this was very uncommon. My father is one of my best friends and I am forever grateful that he fought to have custody of my sister and I, but that is a story for another time. Growing up, my mother was around, but not involved (if that makes sense). She was not a collaborative adult who would work with my dad to help raise her two oldest daughters. Instead, she was unreliable with visitation and thought material things and child support were sufficient contributions to her children’s lives. My older sister has told me in the past that my mother would tell us that she was coming to get us, and every time I would pack my bags and await her arrival. My sister on the other hand, grew accustomed to the pattern and stopped believing our mother. I have not shared this information in an attempt to bash my mother, but more so to shed light on my experience and link it to the message I want to share in this post.

I have always received the love of my father, but lacked the love of my mother. Therefore, I searched for that “mothering” that I never received. I do not think that I ever found what I was looking for, but rather accepted my life as it was. I am a little rough around the edges, but I think my father did an awesome job raising my sister and I. I do often wonder how would I and my life be different if I had experienced a mother’s love…is a mother’s love even needed in some cases? I do not feel as though I can fully answer the latter question due to my inexperience.

What is a mother’s love?

You've Got Potential

Hey guys,

In doing a lot of reflection on past relationships, I have been thinking about my part and my mistakes made in these relationships. The common theme I see with myself is that I give people credit for the potential that I see in them. I know a lot of people will say that it is a positive thing to give a person the benefit of the doubt, but this is not what is going on here…

In my moving forward with an individual based on the potential I see in them, I am possibly making a major misstep. The problem comes in when the individual that I see the potential in, does not see that for themselves. For example, if I look at my significant other and see that they have the potential to be a successful business owner, but they only see themselves as a supervisor at their current company, they will not go beyond what they see and believe for themselves. Full disclosure — I saw a lot of potential in the last person that I was in a relationship with, but he did not see any of those things in himself, so he never became what I saw in him or set goals to become that. We had many discussions about what I saw in him, and he was shocked because he didn’t think so highly of himself. I found out later in the relationship that he had no desire to be better or change, which was a problem for me as it related to behavioral concerns as well as others. The lesson that I learned was that I need to see an individual for who they are and how they present themselves to me, as well as what they believe about themselves. This is what they will become. I can express what I see in them, and maybe that will give them another perspective, or maybe they will not agree because they do not see those same things for themselves.

What I Want or What I Need?

These past few months I have had time away from a lot of stress and shenanigans, and have had time to reflect on the events that have occurred. I also have thought about the fact that I typically get what I want, through working hard for the things I want or just being blessed. So, trying to think deeper, I asked myself do I always get what I need?

I think that the answer to that is an obvious no, because if I got what I needed in every situation, it would make for a perfect life and perfection does not exist. In relationships, they have always ended because of something lacking, and normally the basic things that should be reciprocated in a relationship. The same is true in some work relationships as well. So, then I had to ask myself why do I not get what I need out of some situations and relationships? For me, it has been because I have settled instead of waiting for what I know God has for me, which means that I am accepting less than what I deserve. I think that I have recently learned one of th biggest lessons of my life, and I have to remember Proverbs 3:5, which tells me to trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not to my own understanding.

To me, this means that I have to remember the things that God has promised me and focus on that, no matter what I am experiencing (which can be a lot harder than it sounds like). In those moments where I am feeling as though things should be happening a lot faster, I have to remind myself by thinking of the negative results that were a consequence of my previous choices. I know that I will continue to get what I want, but now I will focus on taking steps that get me closer to getting what I need. This will cause me to grow and observe more, and not to make rash decisions.